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How to Take Criticism Without Your Heart Going Cold | Dr. Barry Corey

Sep 5
10 min read

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Leadership looks impressive from the outside. From the inside, it can feel isolating and heavy in ways most people never see. In this episode, Dr. Barry Corey, president of Biola University and co-author of Necessary Burdens, joins Ryan to talk about what he calls the "splendid agony" of leadership, the weight every leader carries that isn't a sign of failure, but part of the calling itself. Barry shares how to identify the burdens before they blindside you, how understanding them can actually make them lighter, and what it looks like to carry them in a way that builds you up instead of wearing you down.





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Transcript


Welcome to the Christian Leader Made Simple podcast. I'm your host, Ryan Franklin, and I'm an executive coach and the vice president of strategic leadership and operations for Pentecostal Resources Group and the United Pentecostal Church International. And if you're leading in ministry or a business, then you likely know just how easy it is to get scattered, to lose your focus, and to start feeling ineffective.


I've been there myself, and that's why I created the Christian Leader Self Assessment. It's free, and in just 10 minutes, it'll show you exactly how to gain clarity and confidence as a leader. Go to ryanfranklin.org or you can click the link in the description to take the assessment today. And so now let's dive into today's episode.


Welcome to the Christian Leader Made Simple Show. My name is Ryan Franklin. If you lead anything—a church, a business, a team, a family—then you already feel what I'm about to tell you. Leadership looks impressive from the outside, but from the inside, it can sometimes feel isolating and heavy in ways that most people never see.


And here's the trap: a lot of us think that that weight means that we're doing something wrong. We think that a good leader wouldn't feel this tired or this alone, this stretched. But my guest today says the opposite. He calls it a splendid agony, a weight that could actually just be part of the job at times.


Dr. Barry Corey is the president of Biola University, a role that he's held for over a decade now. He's also the author of several books, including Love, Kindness, and He holds a Ph.D. from Boston College. His new book, written with one of my favorite authors, Dr. John Townsend, is called Necessary Burdens. It walks through 14 burdens every senior leader carries—from loneliness to identity strain to the pressures of staying accountable—and a lot more.


And it makes the case that when you learn to carry those burdens in the right way, then they don't break you. They actually build you. And that's what we're going to cover today.


So, Dr. Corey, welcome to the show.


Thank you, Ryan Franklin. It's great to meet you and happy to be on this program.


Honored to be asked.


Yep. I appreciate you being willing to be on. We're talking about Necessary Burdens today. But before we get into the framework of your new book—which comes out... what day is that?


Right around the first of September.


Right around the first of September. So by the time this airs, it'll be out for a week or so.


And before we get into the framework of that book, I want to start with your story. Looking back over the years you've led at Biola for over a decade, which burden that you wrote about hit you the hardest? And how did it shape the leader that you are today?


First of all—like burdens are real—and I have been thinking recently, Ryan, that burdens are not evidence that you are weak. These burdens that we bear are really a demonstration that the work that we do matters; this leadership matters.


But those burdens come at us in waves—they come heightened sometimes and reduced sometimes.


And so in this book, I lay out 14 burdens that those at the top of an organization face: That could be—the mayor of a city; it could be a CEO of a Fortune 500 company; could be a senior pastor of a church; could be president of a university or headmaster of a school or partner in a law firm—whatever it might be.


We face burdens when we're at the top—the apex—of that organizational chart that others don't face.


So as I was saying to you earlier: my father was a pastor in the Pentecostal tradition and he led a church and then became kind of a bishop or superintendent over a cluster of churches in a three-state region.


And so I got firsthand look at what leadership is like and what those burdens feel like on a leader—and I could see it in him.


I would often cut my ear against his door when he was praying over the burdens he was bearing—and I knew he knew he couldn't bear them alone without the Lord's help.


Then I worked alongside—this maybe gets to your question—I worked alongside two presidents of institutions of higher learning when I was a junior administrator; very successful organizational presidents whom I knew well; they mentored me—I called them by their first names—I was a shoulder they often cried on—and at times maybe even a sounding board for some novel ideas.


But when I listened to what they were experiencing—I think I listened with more sympathy than empathy—and what I needed was this: I understood in my mind how being president affected them—but existentially? No clue about their weight until—


Until Ryan—I sat in this chair I'm sitting in now when I stepped into this role July 1st of 2007—almost 20 years ago—as president of Biola University—and suddenly—I did understand.


This gets maybe one burden I've felt most acutely: The burden of identity.


What does it mean to embody this title? No matter what I do or say—I’m not saying just as Barry Corey—but as president of Biola University.


There's nobody who embodies or personifies their institution more than its leader at the top—and with that comes responsibility: What I say is not just personal opinion but reflects on Biola University.


I say things with honesty and integrity—but always aware microphones are on; tapes running; cameras rolling—and people judge based on what they hear or don’t hear from me.


That identity burden—and conflating who I am as person with who I am as president—is important to understand because many want leadership but not its burdens.


There’s also burden of success: What does it mean being top person? It can inflate ego sometimes—but there were seasons when applying for or praying about this role—I questioned if God wanted me here; if I'd fail; if I'd fool people into thinking I could lead.


I remember Holy Spirit nudges reminding me: I'm here because I'm called—not because I'm good enough on my own—and so identity ties deeply with calling.


90% of leadership work isn't glorious—it’s hard work—and if leaders seek attention or glamor or title alone—that fades quickly.


Sometimes even now I wonder if I can lead through coming disruptions—but then return again to God’s call enabling me—and other times feel confident they’re lucky to have me!


The Holy Spirit equalizes me between self-doubt and self-inflation—and reminds me: God called me for this season; someday someone else will come after me—but while here identity matters deeply with many other burdens leaders carry (I list 14).


Happy to skip through some if you'd like?


Yes—we'll walk through some more now.


I'm hearing about identity and calling connecting with heavy burdens—especially for pastors who are spiritual leaders in communities—they must attach identity closely with calling—or burden may overwhelm them.


In your book you call leadership "a splendid agony"—a strange pairing—what do you mean by it? Why does it capture something most miss about leading?


It’s actually from one mentor who said it multiple times long ago—I didn’t fully grasp then what he meant by "splendid agony."


It sounds oxymoronic—like jumbo shrimp—two words seeming incompatible—but leadership is burden-bearing—that’s agony side!


John Townsend and I wrote this book for leaders who step into apex roles who encounter dimensions they didn’t expect—to help them understand they’re not alone experiencing these struggles or sensations never felt before—it’s agony because these burdens don’t go away while leading (only vanish upon leaving role).


But splendor comes when seeing these burdens as assets—not liabilities—carrying them with awareness—sharing them with peers outside organization (because presidents have no peer inside—they’re peerless)—then these burdens don’t shackle but liberate leaders!


That paradox is splendid agony: Burdens weigh heavily but empower greater strength; healthier endurance; bolder decisions; flourishing relationships; stronger families; inner fortitude—the greatest growth points any leader has!


John Townsend helps prescriptively with practical ways leaders can steward these burdens—not let them buckle knees but embolden courage and strength for long haul—that's gist behind splendid agony vision!


You say every leader should expect carrying necessary burdens—will every senior leader experience all 14? Or only some?


Well—I’ve experienced all 14! Some leaders may find certain ones more acute than others—for example Bob Dahl (CEO Crossmark Global Investments) found chapters on loneliness, discretion and well-being especially helpful—others may resonate differently—but all tinged by these burdens exist somewhere!


Leaders claiming no burden probably delusional—or superhuman! Most aren’t superhuman though!


Tell us about few most prominent ones?


Loneliness is big—it surprised me how hard it can be despite being around people all day! You’re no longer just “one of them” at different level requiring discretion about what can/cannot say—to protect organization—you avoid favoritism among direct reports—you risk friendships complicating decisions (e.g., layoffs)—so loneliness grows because tough calls isolate leader emotionally despite close executive teams whom one loves dearly but must lead decisively!


Another major burden is perpetual assaults/disruptions—from outside and inside organization—including critiques from colleagues who may dislike decisions made—a challenge especially if leader wants acceptance (we all do!) but must choose right over liked!


One poet said: “I can be changed by what happens but refuse to be reduced.” We face assaults regularly but must resist demoralization eroding core strength—with God’s help plus trusted peers enabling endurance through tough seasons!


That’s why nine other university presidents started meeting annually for retreats including spouses—to share honestly life challenges beyond fundraising/strategy—to find healing restoring vulnerability—not impressing anyone—a sustaining dimension vital for long-term leadership health!


Does rejection fall under assaults? Or another burden?


Yes—it probably falls under multiple but mostly assaults—it’s biggest emotional trigger for me! When serious enough seek life team support! Admiral McRaven said leaders make hundreds/thousands decisions annually hoping 80% right—but criticized most on 20% wrong! Criticism usually targets person (leader), not organization making rejection hard yet unavoidable! John Perkins warned against tough hearts/thin skin—we need thick skin tender hearts balancing caring deeply without hardening callousness!


Any other notable burdens?


Accumulated grievances weigh heavily—as unresolved problems escalate reaching leader’s desk compounding stress needing wise navigation! T.S. Eliot’s poem Ash Wednesday includes prayer “Teach me to care and not care… teach me to sit still”—my prayer as leader: care only about things uniquely mine while letting go secondary issues others manage—to lead effectively without burnout!


Leaders need identify their burdens before caught off guard—how do they do naming work practically? Neuroscience shows naming aids overcoming challenges?


Exactly—that’s why we wrote book: identify each burden clearly acknowledge reality—not failure sign but leadership mark—with practical navigation strategies transforming weakness into strength sustaining stamina avoiding anemia moving forward!


For me identity reminder helps daily: caretaker temporarily holding role—not owner—for season only! One screwdriver removes nameplate replaces next person eventually! Don’t conflate role with self—that leads unhealthy attachment causing harm!


Hey leaders quick plug: Pentecostal Resources Group offers practical biblical tools strengthening leadership/home/church growth visit pentecostalresourcesgroup.com explore resources today!


Back now—


Four years into presidency walking with students saw prominent picture predecessor President Clyde Cook (25 years tenure) students didn’t know him reminding self future generations won’t know current leaders either—we serve seasons entrusted roles building community not pedestals isolating ourselves risking temptations avoided by honest vulnerability among trusted advisors guarding integrity amid challenges!


Say more about team around you helping carry weight?


I wouldn’t still be here without fellow university presidents forming life team praying weekly spiritual accountability brother wife Paula shares everything honestly too! Early seminars taught fundraising/strategy but missed sessions on marriage/kids/spiritual well-being/physical health needs—so friends started annual retreats sharing personal struggles supporting each other confidentially including spouses laughing crying hiking golf sustaining fruitful leadership seasons avoiding isolation pride fears destroying longevity!


Anything generic beyond specific burdens from support team perspective helping leaders stay strong instead worn down?


Yes scheduling priorities Stephen Covey advice resonates—I need margin weekly free from meetings enabling reflection prayer creativity physical emotional health scheduled intentionally preventing overload protecting relationships family faith foundational renewal daily resets essential maintaining stamina enabling flourishing leadership long-term!


Your partnership with Dr. John Townsend adds clinical coaching lens complementing your story—why did his voice matter so much here?


I started manuscript missing prescriptive steps practical application knowing descriptive alone insufficient John PhD psychologist corporate advisor brought decades experience helping CEOs navigate psychological organizational dynamics suspending projects working year adding trailers each chapter giving readers actionable tools stewarding burdens transforming weaknesses into assets enabling enduring flourishing leadership journeys endorsed broadly across Christian/non-Christian leaders alike confirming universal relevance shared insights empowering readers beyond faith boundaries!


If pastors/leaders want book where best get copy?


Book available wherever books sold online Whitaker House publisher Pennsylvania search online finds copies easily read share recommend spreading message supporting leaders everywhere facing necessary burdens together strengthened empowered renewed through grace!


Final thoughts encouraging pastors/leaders carrying weight leadership?


Bobby Gruenwald CEO YouVersion endorses saying most prepared for responsibility weight less so success weight Necessary Burdens names feelings rarely spoken reframing obstacles tools guiding path forward reassuring lonely isolated leaders united facing common struggles inspiring solidarity courage hope enduring faithful service God bless all leading bravely wisely passionately fulfilling calling together stronger supported empowered advancing kingdom purposes glorifying God faithfully serving communities transforming lives sustainably joyfully amen!


Dr. Corey thank you so much for joining us today sharing wisdom heart honestly inspiring us all!


Thank you Ryan pleasure honored grateful opportunity discuss vital topics helping leaders thrive together blessed journey ahead everyone listening thanks again!


And so that concludes our show today. My name is Ryan Franklin. Thank you so much for joining us on the Christian Leader Made Simple podcast.


Copyright © 2026 Ryan Franklin. All rights reserved.


 
 
 

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