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These Compulsive Mental Habits Fuel Burnout in Pastors | Devin Akers

  • Aug 6
  • 8 min read

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Most leaders don't lose their peace in one dramatic moment. They lose it one habit at a time, the way they scroll, the way they say yes when they mean no, the way they treat hard emotions like the enemy instead of a signal. Devin Akers has a rare seat to speak into this. He's a pastor and licensed counselor, currently serving as Senior Pastor of Covenant Life and Stello Church in the Raleigh-Durham area, and after over a decade in ministry he went back to school to get his clinical counseling license. In this episode, Devin and Ryan talk about the subtle habits robbing leaders of their peace, what it took to pursue counseling training while still leading a church full time, and what he's learned sitting on both sides of the room, the pulpit and the counseling chair. If you've felt exhausted and can't quite name why, this conversation will help.






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Transcript


Welcome to the Christian Leader Made Simple podcast. I'm your host, Ryan Franklin, and I'm an executive coach and the vice president of strategic leadership and operations for Pentecostal Resources Group and the United Pentecostal Church International. If you're leading in ministry or a business, then you likely know just how easy it is to get scattered, lose your focus, and start feeling ineffective. I've been there myself, and that's why I created the Christian Leader Self Assessment. It's free, and in just 10 minutes, it'll show you exactly how to gain clarity and confidence as a leader. Go to ryanfranklin.org or click the link in the description to sign up and take the assessment today.


And so now let's dive into today's episode.


Here's a hard truth: most leaders aren't losing their peace because of one big crisis. They're losing their peace one little small habit at a time. It's the way someone scrolls or pseudo-regulates in some way or another; the way they say yes when they actually need to say no; it's the way they treat their emotions like the enemy instead of the signal that they really are.


None of these things feel really dangerous in those little moments. But if you string enough of those habits together, then you can wake up exhausted and disconnected and wondering where your internal peace really went.


My guest today has a rare vantage point on these things. Devin Akers is a pastor church planner. He's in the throes of hard ministry, currently serving as senior pastor of Covenant Life and Stello Church in the Raleigh-Durham area. He's also a licensed counselor. He spent over a decade leading in ministry and then went back to school where he earned his master's degree in clinical mental health counseling and got licensed.


That's not really a normal move for a pastor who's a decade into ministry, so I'm guessing there's probably a story behind that decision.


Devin sits in a unique seat: he's watched leaders lose their peace from the pulpit and up close in the counseling chair. Today we're going to talk about those little subtle habits that erode a leader's peace without them ever even really noticing—and what it actually took for a pastor to admit that he needed a counselor himself.


So with that said, welcome Devin to the show.


"Hey Ryan, thank you so much for having me. It's an honor to be here."


I appreciate you being willing to jump on short notice—I just texted you a couple of days ago and we were able to put this together. So thank you for taking time for us, man.


"As soon as you sent the message, I had to make sure I wasn't being pranked because you've interviewed so many of my heroes and people I look up to. Just to be on here means the world to me. So again, thank you—I’m really looking forward to it."


I'm excited to hear from you. You're very well qualified educationally and with your experience—and you're still relatively young compared to some of us—but you've had tons of experience and education. It's an extremely valuable perspective that you bring.


I would love it if you could walk me back to what led you to go back to school for counseling. You were about a decade into ministry—many people are moving forward with ministry but aren't interested in going back to school for something as tough as counseling is.


What was going on for you at that point? What made you decide to do that?


"Not surprisingly, it was 2020 when COVID hit nationally and globally. It disrupted schedules and so many things. We started seeing families imploding, spikes in addictions, all sorts of negative impacts directly connected to mental health.


There was also a gap in education systems—some programs weren't requiring exact testing; many moved to hybrid models. Between need and accessibility, I said okay—it’s now or never.


Primarily, there were individuals suffering—within our church and churches worldwide—including some traumatic events like individuals taking their own lives, spiritually strong families breaking down.


My hope was that pursuing education would give me ability to minister at a deeper level.


It took about two and a half years for education portion—it was worth it."


You have an undergrad in counseling as well?


"Yes, I went to Liberty University for undergrad around age 22-23; I thought that would be it especially since I didn’t jump directly into graduate programs—but things change."


So this was partially due to having extra time at home during COVID?


"I would assume so—it was definitely challenging doing coursework while leading church every week during such an interesting season."


Did being a student again change how you saw your leadership?


"Oh yes! The hybrid program meant traveling weekly or biweekly for intensives; otherwise online.


The unique needs of church members during COVID—with societal tensions beyond COVID politically—felt like my identity was being stripped away then rebuilt.


Education helped me become more attuned and aware of physical body signals—alarms going off emotionally—and minister better by noticing things often brushed over."


You mentioned productivity as your coping mechanism—you’d switch tasks when anxious?


"Exactly! Ironically jumping into 64 credit hour master’s program with internship was kind of part of unhealthy coping—but it taught me much."


I have pastoral counseling training too; did you learn much about yourself during this process?


"Definitely."


Reverse roles: when you're counseling pastors/leaders who come into your office but wouldn’t admit struggles publicly—what habits do they reveal?


"Many tendencies; I’ll speak from personal experience too since I’m still working on these things—most problems aren’t solved but tensions managed between mental/spiritual/physical health."


First one: people pleasing tendency—which gets bad rap but actually has positives like bringing joy/empathy/affirmation—but becomes problematic when exaggerated:


"When does it become overly exaggerated? When compromising calling/identity based on others’ opinions—for example early church planters fearing attrition might want to tweak vision or doctrines just not to lose people.


Or compromising health/family by saying yes too often—losing loved ones while trying hard for affirmation from others."


Another: toxic positivity—I’m an Enneagram 3 (producer). I tend to spin failures positively but learned it’s okay sometimes just admit failure honestly; leaders appreciate catharsis more than false positivity."


That’s embracing reality—a mature healthy approach rather than pretending everything’s fine even when it’s not.


Often people pleasing becomes unhealthy relational stress when tired/stressed?


"Absolutely! Stress reveals maladaptive coping mechanisms which may not be obviously damaging like addiction but can be emotional eating or phone use as pseudo regulators seeking relief from pressure."


Phones are less destructive than addictions but still unhealthy if used as emotional avoidance?


"Exactly."


Can you share your own experience with phone use as emotional regulation?


"I don’t have personal social media because it triggers comparison traps; my go-to is YouTube which easily hooks me down rabbit trails via algorithm shorts—and when stressed I’d avoid texts by scrolling endlessly until deleting app helped me reconnect emotionally despite initial sensitivity."


What did healthy emotional regulation look like afterward?


"It looked like deleting app, increasing accountability, developing self-awareness—recognizing dysfunction blind spots is key for healthy leadership."


When stressed/tired do leaders tend toward detachment? You suggest moving toward someone—a trusted peer/spouse/mentor—is vital?


"Yes! That’s why marriage is hard—not spouse causing problems but revealing existing issues needing accountability through relationships.


Counseling offers safe space mirroring internal states objectively without judgment—a rarity for high-level leaders."


Counseling develops vulnerability skills transferable outside office too?


"Exactly!"


Counseling differs from coaching/advice—it reflects back what you’re already saying; few leaders get such objectivity making it powerful.


A personal support team is essential though hardest thing pastors implement per my book’s last chapter—neglected yet vital due to vulnerability fears rooted in past hurts—but paradoxically people hurt us yet also heal us according to Scripture (60+ “one another” verses)."


I recall hiking near home seeing snake unexpectedly caused hypervigilance robbing joy though vigilance is wise—we must avoid hypervigilance stealing life’s beauty despite real threats including potential hurts from vulnerability:


"If vulnerable others might hurt us? Yes possible—but better than living fearful missing God’s joy."


Back on people pleasing habit—you mentioned saying yes when screaming no inside causing consequences?


"Insecurity/fear lead decisions: fear of losing invitations/relevance/likability causes overcommitment leading family neglect local church ineffectiveness fatigue—and showing up less than best physically/emotionally short-tempered hurting loved ones most."


That connects back integrity—the word means integrating all life components congruently—not just moral uprightness but balancing roles (dad/husband/pastor/hobbyist).


Improper integration (e.g., obsession with hobby or nepotism) damages integrity disrupting peace (shalom)—anxiety means shattered life:


Proper integration restores peace filtering decisions like saying yes appropriately increases capacity through character growth enabling endurance through tough seasons (peaks & valleys).


How do we build such capacity/character growth practically?


"Progressive overload like physical training—push limits slightly beyond comfort without breaking down supported by good relationships enabling processing negative emotions safely leading growth—not linear but cyclical peaks & valleys."


What personal habit had biggest impact on regaining peace? What replaced it?


"My phone use—the ease/accessibility rewires brain dopamine pathways similar behavioral conditioning underpinning social media/gambling addictions designed by billion-dollar industry against our health;


Self-awareness helps create distance e.g., moving YouTube off phone onto TV requiring effort plus using ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode despite pastoral pressure always be accessible;


Still fighting this tension actively without claiming full victory yet."


Boundaries matter deeply—for example placing phone across room protects sleep/prevents immediate response temptation improving rest & focus:


"You nailed it—it’s tough balancing accessibility & boundaries well."


If your wife Whitley were here what would she say changed most in you growing inside out?


"Increased self-awareness opened communication vastly improving conflict resolution affection expression emotion naming—all skills learned not inherent;


Communication/empathy are teachable skills needing practice just like basketball dribbling;


Our marriage grows through expanding emotional vocabulary building stronger connection aiming for ‘awesome old couple’ status someday!"


Emotional intelligence game changer indeed—even naming feelings calms them (“if you can name it you can tame it”) helping pastors thrive emotionally despite occasional lapses:


"What common habit have you helped others break?"


Modeling behavior powerfully shapes overcoming fears/addictions/people pleasing etc.—observing resilience/perseverance even if actors faking fear helps phobic individuals improve;


Faith/resilience contagious through community observing success stories inspiring “if they can do it so can I” mindset critical for growth especially via podcasts sharing leadership journeys."


Finally, pastors exhausted unaware/unwilling what first step do you advise?


"You must talk with someone! Hidden cannot be healed;


Confidential counseling offers safe space for truth telling practicing vulnerability before applying outwards building healthier relationships & leadership;


Seek help starting with spouse/confidants/counselors—you don’t have to share publicly but somebody needs know;


My own first counseling experience taught difference between intervention (crisis management) vs prevention (lifestyle setup avoiding burnout);


Even secular counselors offer wisdom helpful beyond worldview differences."


This conversation has been tremendous Devin! Where can listeners find out more about your work?


"Most prominently via Stello Church social media pages sharing ministry context."


Thank you Devin! And thank all who joined Christian Leader Made Simple podcast today with Ryan Franklin.


Copyright © 2026 Ryan Franklin. All rights reserved.


 
 
 

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