top of page

The Shocking Truth About Bully Pastors Nobody Wants To Admit with Josh Melancon

You’re still showing up. But are you leading with clarity — or just holding it together? Take 15 minutes to reflect with the Christian Leader® Self-Assessment — a simple tool to help you see what’s really working... and what’s quietly wearing you out. It’s free!




In this episode of The Christian Leader Made Simple Show, Ryan tackles a difficult but necessary subject—egotism in leadership. Pastor Josh Melancon joins the conversation to openly share his own battle with ego and the destructive patterns it can create in ministry. Drawing from his new book Mark of the Least, Josh explains how pride and insecurity can distort a leader’s calling, and how biblical humility offers the path to real transformation. This honest and practical discussion will challenge every leader to examine their heart and embrace the kind of humility that sustains lasting influence.





Connect with Josh Melancon:


Purchase The Christian Leader Blueprint book today: 


Connect with Ryan: 



Audio mastering by Apostolic Audio: 





Transcript


Satan convinced Eve that she didn't have something that she actually did. He said, God knows that if you eat this fruit, you're going to be just like him. Well, Adam and Eve were made in the image of God. They were already like God. Yeah. So he convinced Eve that she didn't have something that she did. That is the very foundation Pride is built on—that I'm not enough.


Welcome to the Christian Leader Made Simple podcast. I really hope this episode helps you learn and master the skills you need to grow your leadership, effectiveness, and enjoyment. Be sure to hit the subscribe button to get notified as soon as I post a new session so you don't miss a single episode. I'd also greatly appreciate any reviews, likes, and shares that you can give me. It just helps me extend my reach to more people.


So leaders, I know just how frustrating it can feel when you're in the weeds of work or ministry and life is chaotic and you're struggling to feel effective and you're just not enjoying leadership as much as you could be. And so to help you, after many years of leadership and executive coaching, I've developed a framework called the Christian Leader Blueprint that'll guide you to find clarity in your life and leadership.


It'll help you gain a better rhythm of life, it'll help you see yourself more clearly to leverage your strengths, and you'll produce more productive relationships. It's a step-by-step guide to leadership transformation and I have that in two formats now. I have a free short guide that you can find on ryanfranklin.org and I have a book, the Christian Leader Blueprint, and you can find that in any format, including an audiobook wherever you buy your books.


I have a few more things on my website that you may be interested in, so just head on over to ryanfranklin.org and check it all out. You can. And now let's get to our session.


Welcome to the Christian Leader Made Simple Show. I'm your host, Ryan Franklin, and on the show today we're going to talk about a subject that is pretty difficult to talk about. And even though most leaders struggling with this really don't want to admit it, it's actually more common than we might think.


The subject is egotism, egotistical behavior, and we have a pastor on the show today that's willing to admit that he has suffered from this much of his life and I personally know that he has made big strides to work towards overcoming it.


Pastor Josh Melanchol is our guest today and he's been on the show before a few years ago. But I want to tell you a few things about him. First of all, he's a pastor, he's a speaker, he's a writer, and he lives in South Louisiana.


With over a decade in pastoral ministry, Josh has helped lead a growing church of more than 1300 members across two campuses. He's been instrumental in speaking at leadership and marriage conferences across the nation. He's authored a book called *Church Junkies*, but he has a brand new book called *Mark of the Least*. We're going to talk about that today.


It dives into the subject of humility as the foundation of true leadership. And with that said, Pastor Josh, welcome to the show.


Thank you, Ryan. What a privilege to be back, man. It's really exciting. I appreciate it.


Absolutely. This was a topic—we're actually doing the same topic—it's just a few years later and you've written a book on it and we actually talked about you writing a book on it, and I believe that was almost two years ago. So this is a two-year-old journey in the making.


It has. And you know, I want to give you some props here for some of your coaching—and I hope those listening who don't know know that you do some coaching—it was really instrumental for me confronting myself because when you're the leader of an organization, who's telling you about yourself other than your wife? And that's assuming you're not bullying in that relationship.


And you were able to confront me on some hard things and you have a gentle touch and I appreciate it. It helped me really grow as a leader.


Yeah. Thank you for mentioning that. I appreciate it.


Before we jump into the actual topic, Josh, just to bring in a little bit of Louisiana into the podcast—you know you're a true Louisiana native just like myself?


Absolutely.


You live a little bit further south than I do—and it does make a difference, right?


Huge difference! We always say if you go south of I-10 in Cajun country, you should have to have a passport because it's a different culture—different music, different food. We like everything: shrimp, crawfish—you know—we just love our seafood and we love our way of life. It's a wild culture too but I love it; it's my people.


I do have to admit though—I mean we just had Mandy from your church on the podcast—Mandy Holloway—and she talks a little bit different than you; she doesn't have as strong an accent like some folks down there—but you don't have much of an accent at all.


Yeah! People have asked me that through the years—they wonder if I'm ashamed of my Cajun roots or something? The only thing I can link it to is my grandmother was from North Louisiana—a small country town—and I grew up spending lots of time with her.


The only thing I could think is maybe that influenced me because we have cassette tapes of me preaching as a five-year-old sounding like Oklahoma! Like—you’re a Cajun kid—why do you sound like this?


But something influenced me; I'm not sure what it is; it just is what it is—but you'll hear my Cajun accent in certain words and phrases—when things really start pumping hard for people with heavy Cajun accents—it’s pretty interesting!


Yeah! Well let's jump into what we really want to talk about today.


You know I've read most of your recent book *Mark of the Least*. It's tremendous by the way!


Thank you!


You shared about some moments when God literally broke your pride and reshaped your understanding of leadership. So take us back to one of those moments when you realized that you were chasing the wrong version of what success looked like.


Yeah—I think there were little clues along the way God was trying to tell me and work on me for—but there was one particular incident that literally shifted my life.


Many years ago I was on a youth board planning events; we were all trying to be important—and that was something I always strove for no matter what cost it seemed like.


Afterward my peers voted for me to speak at one statewide rally—that was my big moment—everything I'd been working for—I’m successful now—I’m important—I’m going to do something big!


I preached—and it flatlined; wasn’t anything one way or another—it was just...a moment—and I was so deflated by it! Like wait—that's what I was working for? That’s it? Devastated!


My wife drove us home (actually where you live) back toward God's Country—and in the car Holy Spirit really started dealing with me—He said something I'll paraphrase:


“You've heard of the mark of the beast but I want to show you *the mark of the least*.”


I knew He was saying something deep—and unpacking it over years I've realized He's saying there's worldly system bearing one mark—and God's kingdom bears another: humility—it’s leastness—not trying to be best or most important—but humbling yourself so others can be great and God’s name glorified.


That’s powerful!


From there God began working on you?


Oh goodness yes! Wish I could say from then on all about humility—but no—it began awareness & work; parts had humility—but many dangerously prideful parts too!


Had God not spoken then pivoted me—I don’t know where I'd be; probably self-destructed—I was so focused on winning didn’t realize how playing game—it was pivot for me still ongoing journey but pursuit changed relationships & leadership.


Were you pastor then?


No—not yet! Realized God would do work then elevate me—but level humility needed work for more layers—pride hides in corners thoughts behavior language tones—even now surprise finding pride!


Embarrassing sometimes but embracing helps go further—God wants great things but trying big opposite how He works—He takes me where can shrink not just be big—that battle & struggle because success triggers pride gear thinking “I’m good”—Lord says stay here longer do hard work!


We all deal with this degree right?


Yes! Success can go heads easily—but seems like sensitivity yours more than some others—and appreciate willingness write book & come podcast unpack struggle because not easy admitting struggle publicly!


Yes! Thought admitting weakness means vulnerability & being loser—not leader—but opposite happens—more vulnerable admitting flaws builds trust closeness spouse child opens up walls break down because pride deceives—you don’t see what don’t know busy aggressive winning!


I heard term bully pastors sometimes—is tough topic—but reminds me your book somewhat—we had discuss again here rare someone willing talk about especially with book opportunity—


From your perspective what underlying heart issues move leader from healthy authority into spiritual or emotional abuse hurting people?


Well first don’t want empower rebellious leaders chastise leaders or give baseball bat for weaknesses—but bully pastors toxic in churches today—I’ve seen unique cases appalling character deficiency keeping people small controlling others…


Then reflecting “Josh those tendencies too” able say see them myself don’t want be like them—work prayer Bible teaches not lead worldly lording over others Jesus wants servant leadership…


Bully pastors tend think king sit throne overlooking people—chairs platforms look like thrones keeping self big others small—not always conscious but tendency present—called serve people not dominate especially if egotistical…


Dominance core issue insecurity?


Yes—insecurity masked so won’t admit weakness—for me childhood imprints prove self conquer dominate control toxic unaware young becomes ingrained old until God confronts strength used carelessly instead making others strong disappointed Lord repented apologized family deep cleansing heart allowing confrontation…


As executive coach observe rigid behavior inflexibility low emotional intelligence unaware emotions poor regulation unwilling vulnerable even with close friends wall separation affecting relational leadership…


Makes sense—


Encourage wired like me called lead big thing wired strong but don’t fear hearing hard truth feared losing if accept feedback not true encourage hard listening prayer scripture study change…


Leaders surrounded capable giving pointed advice challenge create culture comfortable telling truth sometimes must ask permission courage get input even spouse told hard truths helps grow avoid ultimatums respect mission focus correction effective…


Respect core need acceptance validation affirmation softens leader allows hearing hard news—


Strong leaders need fuel others need more light—


Team affirms role mission focused correction expressed respectfully helps growth recently learned giving quieter team members space time processing input often better valuable players requires humility celebrate contributions…


“Mark of least” opposite mark beast unpack more?


All wounded price breathing wounds emotional physical handling key—for pride wounds become project pain hurting others but humility turns wounds fuel transforming soft tender relational forgiving loving leastness superpower no pressure celebrate others ideas world simpler easier…


Still senior pastor arguably more respected growing team giftings expanding gifting not squishing theirs fulfillment increasing focused making others great glorifying Jesus name—


Enemy inner man unchecked pride sabotages gifting success greatest enemy external factors less impactful pride within person biggest saboteur…


Structure inner man hard ambitious driven impatient must posture heart humble Lord lift up James 4:10 teaches humble selves Lord will lift us up—


View climb vs lift spend time posturing heart waiting lifting rather than climbing exhausted—


Bodies wounded around warning pastors children avoid ministry wives broken churches plateau health impacted refusing humble self motivation avoid path humble Lord fellow workers kingdom…


Competitive nature hate rejection chapters point insecurity fuels destructive behavior elaborate?


Competitive initially celebrated winning identity feeds insecurity bottomless pit prison selfish competition mostly selfish prefer compete forces darkness team God healed shifted competition others no longer rivalry healed rejection deepest pain leads doing anything avoid hurts gifts peace joy locked up…


Cherokee elder two wolves evil selfish guilt anger violence vs good joy peace kindness which wins? The one fed—


Clothe humility Jesus daily mental rehearsal before public engagement ask “What would Jesus look tone language?” helps though still trip up consciously try…


Insecurity manifests one up (competitive), one down (people pleaser), rebellious shifts through life can cause destruction—all require humility response—


Revelation Lord took me garden showed Eve tricked eating poison considered pride poison Satan convinced Eve lacked something she had foundational pride built on “I’m not enough” leading live question “Am I?” insecure pride rules but Jesus calls self “I am” live identity Christ shift from question “Am I?” answer “He is” live secure “I am” self rather insecure version less need prove self walk room say “There You Are” instead “Here I Am”—hard personality shift but freeing…


Fear Lord helped change seeing consequences marriage kids staff reputation led motivated change desire please God interrupt behaviors repent reflect triggers insecurity performance gear common bully pastor triggered by others shining finds flaw lifts self shameful sad tendency never want emulate…


Scriptural helps move from pride?


Worship became weapon conditioning heart humility growing closer removing toxic thinking insecurities feels surgery heart worship 30 min-1 hr makes pride posture impossible surgery removes cancer toxic thoughts insecurities dissolve worship powerful tool…


Use people external weapons?


Start inside work outside wife morning coffee evenings reliable voice gives honest insight challenges gently empowers team Monday mornings share input nudge hints perceptive hear unspoken issues mentors confront keep grounded learned humility change demeanor expert listen learn coached by Ryan challenging growth experience both benefited coaching reciprocal growth mismatching experiences rewiring brain force contrary natural inclinations character growth over time…


If see negative traits first steps?


Identify self-awareness prayer scripture study invite trusted voices if no behavior change check minimizing excuses justify repent fully eliminate fear face reality fear rooted in pride confronting inner bully less scary than thought encourages courage face struggles repent quickly learning growth process ongoing journey…


For those facing egotistical or bully pastor how respond wisely Christlike?


Pray first seek wisdom divine strategy possibly let God handle sometimes team prays discerning approach respectful non-threatening express observations avoid ultimatums respect softens defensiveness fosters hearing correction process emotions first vent pray counsel heal wound before addressing leader living wounded worsens situation better processed leads productive dialogue…


Anything else before wrap?


Book *Mark of Least* blueprint leadership pride number one destroyer teams churches pastors humility number one characteristic thriving churches House of Prayer growing thriving due God’s heart surgery hope book asset teams worldwide also praised team coaching investment relational coaching methods transforming church Thibodeau Louisiana resources available melancholministries.com Amazon links provided grateful opportunity share journey thank listeners support—


This concludes our show today. My name is Ryan Franklin. Thank you so much for joining us on the Christian Leader Made Simple podcast.


Copyright © 2025 Ryan Franklin. All rights reserved.

 
 
 

Comments

bottom of page